[Trying4Thin]

Thanks guys,

Well I wish it were 68 pounds; but I can feel that it isnt. I knew that I had lost weight when I couldnt "feel" my body weight dragging me down anymore. Well now I can feel it again. Right now I am disgusted with myself but I will get through this. Today I was getting ready for work and I had a revelation. I feel I am the way that I am because I like to take care of people, feel needed and wanted. But lately that has not been the case. Right now; the man that I love more than anything (and who I want to make so very happy) doesnt feel the same about me (right now). Work tells me that I am "too helpful" and I feel like I can help everyone else out there but myself. Even in my darkest hours I can still motivate others; getting myself out of the weeds is an entirely different story. That is why I know that I am destined to be a weight loss counselor. But judging from my behavior lately and my lack of progress; I honestly think that LA wont give me the time of day. So that will be somebody else who doesnt need or want me or my help. I feel like I (or anyone else for that matter) will never see my full potential if I cant ever get this weight off. Eric said he would try to make time for us to do things together and I could call him if I wanted to do something. I really want to; but I have gained some weight back and the bigger reason being; I dont want to mess this up. We were given another chance and I dont want to louse it up by doing something stupid. I dont know how to talk to the manager about an interview. I thought I had been more than forward without being pushy or desperate. They have talked about it between counselors about me becoming one of them so it's not like they dont know. I dont know if they are just putting me off because they dont want to tick me off and tell me I am not what they are looking for, or what. If they turn me down; I still have to go to the center and deal with them until my contract is up (unless I change centers which would be a royal pain). I dont know how to get back to the place where I was when I was so proud of all my progress and how I looked. Every day I try and every day it gets harder. This would be so much easier if Eric were by my side. But we cant be together right now. I guess I will have to wait for his heart, but I am not going to wait to get my health back. I just want off this rollercoaster for good. I was just beginning to step out of the fat suit and now it is sucking me back in. Is anyone ever going to tell me yes??