[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

Made progress today cleaning; but I still have a long way to go. I guess it would be a lot easier if I werent so depressed right now. I just feel like putting my head down and crying for the rest of the day. That or calling Eric; but I know that would not help because he would get upset. It has been 12 days since I have attempted to call him. I will respect his wishes; but it is killing me. I wish I knew if he was hurting as badly as I am. Most likely not; or he would have written me more than two sentences on Thursday. Maybe he is waiting to see if I really have changed. I dont know why I am so upset? I brought all of this on myself by taking our friendship for granted by pushing for something more instead of just giving it the chance to happen. I just wish he would at least talk to me. I really miss him very much. Deep down I know he cares about me. And I know that he wants the best for me. He has said and written that many times. But what he doesnt get is that the best person for me is him. On my birthday of all days he said that he wasnt afraid of anything happening between us and if he were, then he wouldnt see me. Well now he is not seeing me. He seems to have this same theory with the other girl not wanting to see him. Um no, trust me that isnt the reason. He said that if you spend time together you end up liking what you are are around (whether it is good or bad for you) and he doesnt want to like me and our fighting. How many times do I have to tell him that I have passed that point and I am ready to move on purely as friends??? I just want one more shot at our friendship to show him how wonderful I really am when I am not bogged down by stupid *&^%. I just wish he would listen to me and just trust me. All I have ever wanted to do was make him happy. I had so many plans for us now that I wasnt held back by my weight and stupid insecurities anymore. I wanted to share everything with him.