Well I went to the gym as promised and I set a new record for nasty...Did an hour on the treadmill and 41 mins on the elliptical stepper. Burned 748 calories and 40% fat. Fat percentage is down because I ran on 5.2 for 31 minutes. The trainer who did my intro to the gym ended up on the elliptical next to me. I caught him looking at me keeping up (minus the hills) and not even breathing hard. Having him there made me push myself harder. He was nice until he got his commission...I HATE people like that. I can do this without his help. He is one of many people who are going to have to "eat crow" when I get to goal. I feel like a snake that is shedding it's skin because it is too big for it's body. I have determined that my skin is way too big for me (imagine an XXL sweatshirt). In some places it just looks all wrong. I dont need a blanket covering my muscle that I worked so hard for. I know I am good and muscled under all the extra stuff. I just have to keep plugging away at it. Good things come to those who wait.
As if I didnt have enough to think about...I have email notification on my cell phone for when certain people email me. So around 5:20 this afternoon the alert went off. It was the email I was dreading from Eric. I logged in fully expecting him to "finish me off" and tell me that he never wanted anything more to do with me ever again. I read the contents and couldnt stop shaking and crying...He was begging me to forgive him for all the things he had said to me and for how he had treated me. And he "so wanted things to be right between us." He called me precious, talented, and beautiful. Two seconds later, my email noticfication went off again...he also wanted to tell me that he admired all the weight I had lost and that I really did look good. Call me nuts, but those arent the feelings and emotions of somebody who doesnt care or want me on some level. My first instinct was to call him or email back. But I didnt. I need a few days to think about this. (And it wouldnt hurt to make him sweat a little). But I want to make sure I am thinking clearly before I respond since things are still rough right now. I am wondering why now? What changed in his heart? I guess the ball is in my court now...If I ever doubted that G-d existed (which I dont, but if I did), I would be a believer now. I never expected this..never in a million years. Quite frankly I am really caught off guard here. I sent two emails a few days ago and I think they really show how I have grown up since we have seen each other. This past week has been so tough. I had to fight super hard so I wouldnt become completely unglued. This didnt break me. It strengthened my resolve. I lost something so special to me and I didnt turn to food. I didnt give up. I carried on through the darkness; and eventually found the sun again.
